Where’s the beef ?

Here we go again – they just can’t leave well alone can they? Yet another food staple is under the knife as it were. Food giant Unilever aren’t happy with global sales of Bovril, the beef extract – apparently they’ve just realised that it is not a big seller in vegetarian markets and to be more truthful people aren’t too sure about what goes into it, with all these scares of mad cow disease, you just can’t be too careful can you?
Well there’s no need to worry because it wasn’t British beef going into it in the first place but try telling that to the export market when there was such a surplus of cow corpses. Now they want to swop over to yeast extract to compete on equal grounds with Marmite and Vegemite and drop the beef connotation which they reckon is no big deal anyway since in blind tastings 50 % of people liked the new product and 10% didn’t notice any difference.
I reckon they’re missing the point a bit here – the reason that sales are stagnating is that everyone already has a jar of Bovril in their cupboard and it’s been there for years. It’s Standard Operating Procedure when you move out of your parent’s home to line your pantry with the kitchen staples, the true fonds de cuisine, which include Bovril, Marmite, HP sauce, Worcestershire Sauce, Tabasco sauce and if you’re really flush, Angostura Bitters. Reformulating Bovril will not stimulate sales because dependant on  which half of the globe you come from, you already have either Marmite or Vegemite in your kitchen pantry and aren’t likely to need another one for at least 15 years.
Just as a point of interest, those poor souls addicted to spreading Marmite on their breakfast toast might consider switching it to a late night snack since apparently there is something in the Marmite which emits an odour through your skin pores and is highly effective in keeping the mozzies away so you can  ZZZZZZZZZ without the BZZ  BZZ  BZZZ. I hope the Bovril Boys have had the good sense to include it in their product.